Malasadas and Love

A Kmart parking lot seems like an unlikely location to find the best thing you’ve ever eaten. But that’s exactly what me, my brother, our spouses, and my parents were hoping for after reading a few online reviews for a malasada (Portuguese donut) stand on the small island of Kauaii. According to one Yelper,

"Okay, I didn’t get to be a 260 lb. Portagee by stuffing myself with crap. Only quality food passes between these lips. I don’t just give out five stars willy-nilly like some people...it has to be death row meal good.

The malasadas...OMG. Seriously, prepare to have an out of body experience. Don’t screw around, just get the dozen, stuff yourself and pass out under a tree on the beach."

Now, it’s pretty clear that I shouldn’t be eating deep fried, sugar coated, cream filled anything. I know this. You know this. Even Paula Deen knows this. But life happens. Like everyone, I get caught up in the group mentality and want to be able to indulge occasionally. Alright, fine, I want to indulge all the time, but I work on only doing so occasionally so I don’t end up in a food coma passed out on a beach somewhere (which could easily happen). The tricky part for me is not letting one indulgence turn into a never-ending spiral of “well, today is ruined” that can get really out of hand.

So the very next meal it was my goal to get back on track with my healthy eating. And truthfully after the malasada breakfast, my stomach was begging for a sugar detox program in the form of vegetables and nothing else. (This may have been the first and last time in my life I have ever craved vegetables.) 

We ended up at The Shrimp Shack and I ordered a marinated and grilled shrimp salad (“No cheese, no sour cream, no dressing, just veggies and shrimp. Please.”) But it still came in a big fried tortilla shell that I had no intention or desire to eat. My brother ordered a similar lunch. To my delight the shrimp was seasoned beautifully (BTW I can only say that now with Chef Gordon Ramsay’s voice in my head) and the whole meal was just what I wanted. Plus, it was unbelievably delicious, especially considering that I removed 90% of the ingredients. It was island bliss. But then...

Brother: “I’m eating my shell, I’m on vacation.”  
Me: “What? I didn’t say anything.”
Brother: “Yeah, but I know you were thinking it.”

In fact I was not thinking it. More likely what I was actually thinking was that if I had three wishes I would use one of them to open a Shrimp Shack about a half a mile from my house. (wish #2: get paid to nap. wish #3: a professional ballet dancer’s physique.)

So what has happened here? I made a decision not to eat the fried shell of my salad, and other people around me who I love and who also struggle with their weight interpreted that as me judging them for not making the same choice. Interesting.

Making healthier choices can come with backlash from family and friends. This is a really common experience for people. And I think a lot of times we write it off as jealousy or sabotaging and miss an opportunity to communicate to the people we love.

Dear family and friends:

1. I love you
2. I only care about what you eat insofar as I want you to live forever and be happy
3. If you would like my help making healthier choices I will be your cheerleader every step of the way
4. I love you whether or not you make the same choices as me
5. I’m not perfect and I don’t expect you to be either

I’m committed to eating things that nourish my body 90% of the time so that I can eat things that nourish my soul the other 10% of the time. I wouldn’t want anyone coming around to wag a finger at me while I’m enjoying my malasadas, and I’ll try my best not to do that to other people either. But you have to believe me when I say I’m not judging. Wasn’t even close. I’m off in a fantasyland in my head imagining a perfect world where lots of naps somehow get me an athlete’s body.

If you’ve got family or friends or ex-eating buddies that are having trouble with your transition to a healthier lifestyle, reach out to them. Never miss an opportunity to say, “No matter what, I’m here for you, I love you. I’m in my head focused on what I want in life. I’m trusting you to focus on you.”

In the end, maybe people will follow your lead, maybe they won’t. But if you’re committed, and you make sure to put the burden of communication on yourself, people will always know you as someone who goes for what they want, regardless of the distractions of life. And occasionally what I want is a out-of-body-experience-good malasada, and no one’s misplaced judgement (real or imagined) is going to make me feel bad about it.

Push it to the limit

Got a new workout shirt form Woot! today!

I wore it on a hike around the open space by my house...

while sporting a brand new do!

Here's to new exciting things, how will you push outside your comfort zone this week?

No more boring veggies!

I first tasted this spice mix when my friend Gregor served the most delicious grilled chicken breasts. Since then it has become a staple on my counter next to the stove, it's sweet and savory goodness is amazing on everything! I especilly love it on veggies with buttery spray, in egg whites with a little canadian bacon, and it's all you need to make homemade beans that your friends will talk about. And of course it's great on any kind of meat.

Gregor's Famous Rub

1/2 cup coarse salt
1/4 cup dark brown sugar
1/4 cup paprika
3 tbs ground black pepper
1 tbs garlic powder
1 tbs dried onion flakes (or onion powder if you dont have the flakes)
1/2 tsp celery seeds (crushed with a mortar and pestal if you have it)
optional: 1/2 to 1 tsp cayenne pepper depending on how spicy you like it

yum!

Pick me up

I’ve posted this picture of my treadmill desk before, but there’s a secret I never shared about it: the real inspiration for it’s creation. At the time that we built this desk I actually wasn’t looking to be a fitbit stepping champion. I was just trying to get some work done.

Two years ago I couldn’t sit at a desk without aggravating my chronic back pain. Even worse, lack of sleep was leaving my chronically cranky. My pain was a long time complaint, and a long time mystery. I’d seen so many unhelpful “doctors” that I now put quotes around the word doctor.

I couldn’t sit and I couldn’t work. So we took action and built a standing desk. See that window behind the desk? At the time I had to be extra carful opening it to ensure I didn’t twist my torso and try to lift it at the same time. Twist + lift = searing back spasms. Pain level: 9. And all this after losing so much weight! I felt lighter and healthier but not well. I felt better but not strong.

Gina Tibbs, HHP is a massage therapist, technically not a doctor. But she’s done more for me than all the bewildered MDs, physical therapists, chiropractors, and spinal specialists combined. She literally changed my life. Don’t you get a special title for that? Well you should. 

What did she find? Here’s the short version (hopefully I got this right): When certain muscles are weak and trying to hold on for dear life, they get tight. Over long periods of time tight groups of muscles form lots of little tears and extra connective tissue so they can function like a giant tendon and hold tight easier. This type of continuous stress can also form scar tissue. And according to Gina I had, “the biggest block of scar tissue [she had] ever felt in someone’s back.” And here’s the kicker friends: scar tissue feels pain a whole lot more than regular tissue. That’s not fun. After so many doctors all it took was one appointment with Gina: problem located.

Treatment was a whirlwind of excitement as things started getting better gradually but consistently. Any improvement at all really takes the desperation out of chronic pain. There was lots of massage for breaking up scar tissue and loosening muscles, self massage using a foam roller at home for an hour every other day, ice baths to get more oxygen to my muscles, and eventually a year of specialized pilates class to start to gain strength at the most basic level. 

Tonya Amos at Aspire Pilates was committed to all aspects of my recovery. In addition to leading the most silly fun pilates classes ever, she also showed me how to sleep without stressing my back. That first day that I woke up without pain, in the same position I had fallen asleep in, it was like a miracle. The sheets were soft on my face and the sun sparkled through the window. Everything was rested, comfortable, warm and cozy. I could have been floating in a sea of calorie free cupcakes and I wouldn’t have been any happier.

That’s a great end to a feel-good story, especially the cupcake part.

But wait there’s more!

The DXA scan

I started this incredibly simple beginner weight training program called Starting Strength, a full body barbell training program. Just an hour three days a week, but it uses the very powerful method of increasing the weight a tiny bit every time you lift. And I gained so much strength in a month! But I was also gaining weight. GASP. So I quit. And I lost the weight. (yay?) Obviously I was conflicted. I had used the scale as my measure of success for six years, how could I let go of the emotion of gaining weight and wanting to give up, even when I knew intellectually that muscles are heavy and good for me. And more importantly, muscles increase metabolic rate which means eventually I could eat more food. I want that! I think we all want that.

Emotionally I needed to be able to look at my new muscle weight and know for sure it was muscle. DXA scans are the new hotness in body composition measurements where medium affordability and way-more-accuracy-than-a-bathroom-scale intersect. I bought three scans for $215 at the Body Composition Center in Redwood City. That way I could get a base line, continue with my weight training, and go back in for the reassurance that my new pounds were from muscle.

My scan results were slightly more abysmal than expected. I had been babying my body for waaaay too long. While my BMI is close to the middle of the healthy range, my body fat percentage was 33%. On the chart I was given with the scan results, 33% for women is the cutoff between healthy and not. No wonder my metabolism is so slow! I walked away with a lot more motivation than I expected.

And now, just two and a half months later, I can deadlift my own body weight! I’ve gained about two pounds each month but my clothes are looser and I’ve never felt so good about my body. Plus, it wasn’t as hard as I expected. I started with super low weights and added a tiny bit more each time I lifted. And now I have abs! I can see them! And I'll be going back for another scan in 3 months or so to see my progress.

155 pound deadlift!

Because of Gina and Tanya and Starting Strength but mostly BECAUSE I’M A FRICKIN’ BEAST WHO EARNED IT, I can now literally pick myself up. Okay, not literally because that would require an identical twin sister, but you get the idea. Me! A girl who has had back pain since I was 14! I feel amazing. I feel strong for the first time in my life. The other day, a spring broke on our garage door and I LIFTED IT all by myself to free my car and get on with my day.

You absolutely can do the things you never thought you could do. Challenge yourself in extra small steps. You just have to add a little bit of weight at a time.

Be a little afraid

There are 13.5 days left in the year and I have 9 events/parties that I am planning on attending in that time. That's insane and really sort of unbelievable and there's so much potential for disastrous eating. No wonder people gain weight at this time of year! I've got my mom's birthday, my high school reunion, Christmas Eve, Christmas morning with my immediate family, two extended family Christmas dinners (one with each family), my friend Garratt's holiday party, a Christmas party in San Diego, and New Years Eve. Holy hell in a hand basket!!

Plus, I didn't exactly do well yesterday (could have been worse), and when I got home from our company Christmas party I ate a bunch of stuff I didn't even care about (arrrrrgh) so I'm starting today with a get-back-into-it feeling. I've committed to making my at-home eating picture perfect during this time to take advantage of the things I do have control of. Also, I'm reminding myself that I actually have control over every last thing I put in my mouth. I'm planning on splurging on Christmas Day and San Diego Christmas, so I will try to look forward to that as a method of saying no to other stuff. And I'll be out for a run in the cold on Christmas morning like I do every year.

I'm a little scared but I'm hoping that a small amount of fear is a good thing. Let's just say I have a healthy respect for the potential damage I could do.

I hope you guys are doing well! Any uber-challenges coming your way? I'm off to the gym!